No, it doesn't. I don't blame you for not seeing it... I... wasn't entirely aware until this place made it very clear.
[He'd known there was something other than just friendship. At least on his side. After all, he hadn't gone to anyone else, find anyone else, any other place, after his release. After becoming Hakkai. No, he'd sought out the person who saw a pile of refuse in a ditch and decided it was worth saving.]
[And subsequently, couldn't leave.]
[They just worked, for some reason. They just went together like two sides of a coin. But friends did that. Close friends. Best friends. And he will be contented with that, if it's the answer. He has to be.]
[Because he can't lose anyone else. In any capacity.]
[He realizes he's fallen silent while Gojyo speaks. He's hearing him. The words are sinking in. Filling in the chasm that grew up under his feet, piece by piece. Slowly but surely - it becomes less and less likely he's going to start falling again. I hate you not being around - you're the most important person]
[It does, however, take his brain a moment longer to catch up on three of those words. It chews them over. Turns them over. They could mean platonic things. Like friendship. Like what he expected, what he thought he'd get. And nothing more.]
[But...]
You know I could - I would never ask more of you than you could give... [He says it slowly. Carefully. To let the words sink in. And to let himself start to pull their joined hands closer. Trace the lines over the back of Gojyo's palm with his free hand. His eyes on it. On the contrast of their skin.]
I would never push you. If... you want us to remain friends... nothing more - [Until you figure it out, one way or another, goes unsaid between the pressure of his fingers.] - know that you will always remain my most important person.
[Gojyo blinks before waving his hand dismissively.]
I know, man. I know that. You'd never do something like that on purpose.
[At the very least they were best friends. People who always had each others backs. It used to surprise Gojyo how much he trusted this once-stranger, but it'd been a long time since he had.
His thumb brushes across the back of his hand.]
And the-- more than friends thing.
[ Ba-dum. Ba-dum. ]
I want that. I just dunno what I'm doing and don't want you to get ---
[ Frustrated, bored, disappointed, to a point where you want to leave. ]
-- the wrong idea. You know, 'cause of all my experience with the ladies.
[He actually manages the faint ghost of a smile again. It's nice to know, nice to hear, that even with this massive confession, this bombshell dropped between them, Gojyo's answer to Hakkai's assurances is "I know". Of course, considering Hakkai's constant displays of never being able to physically hurt him, maybe it's not that big of a surprise.]
[His mouth feels dry, all of the sudden. I want that. And I love you - and it's suddenly crystalizing under him. Lodging in his throat. It's hard to get his own words out in reply.]
[Because statements like that deserve more than an "ah".]
I am well-accustomed to your habits... [That ghost, wisp of smile warms. Just a bit.] And they've yet to cause me to do anything rash.
[I'm not going anywhere.]
[Silence.]
Unless, of course, you decide to revert to your previous ashtray preferences, that is.
Gojyo coughs on a surprised laugh, trying to muffle it in his shoulder as he laces their other hand together too. His stomach is churning; somehow he feels bashful and like he's about to throw up at the same time.
It's fucking horrifying that he might fuck this up and ruin the most important thing in his life. Gojyo was a lot of things, but a coward wasn't one of them. If he was gonna try to do this, he was gonna try to do this. Not because Hakkai was looking at him like that, but because of how Gojyo felt when he did. It solidified things for him, made him more sure that his gut was leading him in the right direction.
His smile is a careful thing once the laugh passes.]
You did put up with me when you first moved in. Guess I probably can't scare you off now.
To be entirely fair, it wasn't as if I were in any position to judge your lifestyle when we first met.
[And then afterward? Well. Gojyo was trainable. He'd say that much. And fondly, at that.]
[It's a very, very good smile. He'd like to keep seeing it, as often as possible. That one, in particular. Frankly, he doesn't think there's anything Gojyo could do to mess up what it is they have - no matter where they take it. They've been through too much.]
You're never being rid of me, at this rate.
[They're still holding onto each others' hands. Is it too much if he... lifts them up? Bows his head over them. Like a kiss, but not. That might be too much.]
You were kinda passed out and bleeding your guts out.
[And then hiding from the law, more or less. Not that Gojyo minded. It'd been awhile since he'd had reliable company besides Banri. And Hakkai could cook. It wasn't long until they'd really started to rely on each other, especially after he became Hakkai.]
We worked out though, yeah?
[Gojyo watches as Hakkai leans forward almost reverantly between their hands. It's surreal to watch for more than one reason. In the first, he still can't really believe this is happening. Did they really just--- are they gonna-- ???
And in the second, it was hard to believe it was happening to a guy like him . Of all people. He wasn't the kind of guy stuff like this happened to. He wasn't the kind of person people learned more about and decided to stick around for, let alone fall in love with.]
Damn. There go all my future plans.
[His tone is flat, his grin is wry. And with Hakkai's head bent down between their hands it's all the easier to lean down and press a kiss to the crown of his head.]
Literally, in fact. [That's not funny. Stop making jokes that aren't funny. But it's impossible not to, in the moment. Everything feels lighter. Like weights have been pulled off his limbs. For once, since that awful memory share, it doesn't feel like what's waiting for him is an ending.]
[What a different, welcome feeling, that is.]
Oh, you had plans? My sincerest of apologies.
[Again, there's no hiding the amusement, the relief, in every word. Like his face is going to crack from the very happiness in his features. How many times has something actually worked for them? Besides, well, the two of them in general?]
[His heart stops. He should have known. He should have guessed Gojyo would actually make the first move. And it makes the awkward, uncertain lump in his chest thaw a bit more.]
Ah... I think. You may have missed.
[He looks up. Slowly. It's a bit awkward, trying to angle his head so he doesn't knock into Gojyo's. But eventually, he manages.]
[And he's smiling. Really, sincerely, smiling up at him.]
[Honestly, Gojyo can't remember the last time he saw Hakkai this happy. Maybe never. Content, sure. Relaxed, comfortable, absolutely. Relieved, frequently. Before this moment he would've sworn he'd seen Hakkai happy, but not like this. It was like he was a different person entirely.
And maybe that's infectious because Gojyo can feel something warm bubbling in his stomach, rising in his chest.
His eyes crinkle, narrowing as his smile widens.]
Oho, cheeky, huh?
[Going with his gut is also something he's good at. He can overthink things later if he's going to. Right now he's going to lean forward and kiss his best friend.]
[He doesn't hesitate for once. There's no point to it now. Everything is out in the open where it should be. Where he should have had it from the start. His only pause is to murmur a brief - please watch the door - as an aside to his Omen.]
[To make sure there's not a second interruption.]
[That's all, before he leans the rest of the way in. It's been years since he'd done anything like this. It should feel different. It should feel awkward, somehow. He should be making all sorts of comparisons here. That's how his brain has always worked.]
[But kissing his best friend? It's like those thoughts die before they're born. It's like the easiest, best thing in the world. Like they were supposed to do this from the start.]
[Good on Hakkai for remembering to secure the door, because that's the furthest thing from Gojyo's thoughts. His mind is full of Hakkai and the kaleidoscope of fireworks that go off in his chest when their mouths meet.
Gojyo is an excellent kisser. He knows just how to tilt his mouth to deepen the kiss without awkward fumbling. He let's go of one of Hakkai's hands to bring his own up to his cheek, cupping it as he brushes his thumb along Hakkai's jaw. He makes a sound, low and relieved and entirely subconscious when he scoots in closer, eagerly, excitedly.
How is it he had no idea he wanted this so damn bad?]
[Wrapped up like this, the hand on his face, the mouth against his. He's wondering, distantly, why in the hell he'd waited. Why he'd been such an enormous coward. Nothing about this is hard. Nothing about this is awkward.]
[It's like walking back into their house again, after years away. Like stepping back into the warmth of a fireplace after too long in the cold.]
[He's almost laughing into the kiss. His own free hand gently tangling in red hair. Trailing through it. Gojyo really wasn't kidding about his talents - a realization that makes him start to laugh again. Not pulling away for a moment.]
[Gojyo's already grinning into the kiss, fingers sliding back into Hakkai's hair and cupping the back of his skull. He parts their mouths only briefly and long enough to mumble.]
[Put your eyebrows away sir. They're making him laugh again.]
As tempting as that may be, I have to put a hold on any packages. At least until we can both walk again.
[Kissing though, despite what certain primates have said, is absolutely allowed. As evidenced by returning the kiss eagerly, hand once again finding its way into Gojyo's hair.]
[He chuckles low, close enough now to press chest to chest. Lightly though. His ribs still hurt like hell.]
Gives me time to build up that anticipation, huh?
[Minutes pass -- Gojyo has no idea how many. Two, ten, thirty? He'd been a part of plenty of hot make-out sessions but none like this. He'd never lost himself in one before. Gojyo breaks the kiss to take a few deep breaths, closing his eyes and resting their foreheads together.]
This mean I can convince you to actually relax up here with me? [He turns his big red eyes on Hakkai, soft and alluring.]
[And there goes the time. Frankly, he's forgotten about anything else in the moment. Anything else but Gojyo. But kissing him like he's been drowning, like it's the relief he's been waiting for - for years.]
[Maybe it is. Maybe being left sitting here, leaning against his best friend, flushed from kissing him... is relief. Because there's no mission here, is there? There's no evil wave of crazy energy turning people into monsters - turning decent people like Gojyo into something horrible.]
You're going to be terribly manipulative about this, aren't you? [Quit looking at him with those big ol' eyes.] But, if I must...
Hm, in that case, we'll have to leave some sort of offering for them, won't we?
[Once they actually have a house again and all.]
[His fingers trail through Gojyo's hair, absently. Letting the strands fall through his fingers bit by bit. It's true. This moment is deeply comforting. Relaxing, even injured.]
We got a monkey to spare. Might save us some food stock, too.
[Nicotine withdrawal aside, he couldn't remember the last time he'd been this relaxed. He presses a kiss to Hakkai's throat before shifting slightly to lay his head against his shoulder.]
Nah, not looking to die anytime soon, thanks.
[Though honestly if there's anything he'd risk Hakkai's wrath for ... he missed smoking so much. So much. ]
[He closes his eyes. This is pretty relaxing, really. The benefit of being the kind of guy who goes with his gut before his head means he isn't overthinking this. It feels right, and Hakkai seems to agree. Good things happen to them so infrequently that frankly he isn't willing to question this bit of luck.
He grins at Hakkai's proclamation, not surprised at all.]
[Maybe he was an idiot coward for too long. Maybe he should have done this as soon as he saw Gojyo sauntering up to that terrible little camp in the woods. Think of how much time he'd wasted.]
[How much time he could have spent like this, instead.]
That, possibly. Or worse. [Worse could be anything, given Hakkai. Fortunately, he elaborates:] I may be forced to have you inform Goku of our new status.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(frozen) no subject
Date: 2023-06-12 06:21 am (UTC)[He'd known there was something other than just friendship. At least on his side. After all, he hadn't gone to anyone else, find anyone else, any other place, after his release. After becoming Hakkai. No, he'd sought out the person who saw a pile of refuse in a ditch and decided it was worth saving.]
[And subsequently, couldn't leave.]
[They just worked, for some reason. They just went together like two sides of a coin. But friends did that. Close friends. Best friends. And he will be contented with that, if it's the answer. He has to be.]
[Because he can't lose anyone else. In any capacity.]
[He realizes he's fallen silent while Gojyo speaks. He's hearing him. The words are sinking in. Filling in the chasm that grew up under his feet, piece by piece. Slowly but surely - it becomes less and less likely he's going to start falling again. I hate you not being around - you're the most important person]
[It does, however, take his brain a moment longer to catch up on three of those words. It chews them over. Turns them over. They could mean platonic things. Like friendship. Like what he expected, what he thought he'd get. And nothing more.]
[But...]
You know I could - I would never ask more of you than you could give... [He says it slowly. Carefully. To let the words sink in. And to let himself start to pull their joined hands closer. Trace the lines over the back of Gojyo's palm with his free hand. His eyes on it. On the contrast of their skin.]
I would never push you. If... you want us to remain friends... nothing more - [Until you figure it out, one way or another, goes unsaid between the pressure of his fingers.] - know that you will always remain my most important person.
(frozen) no subject
Date: 2023-06-12 06:32 am (UTC)I know, man. I know that. You'd never do something like that on purpose.
[At the very least they were best friends. People who always had each others backs. It used to surprise Gojyo how much he trusted this once-stranger, but it'd been a long time since he had.
His thumb brushes across the back of his hand.]
And the-- more than friends thing.
[ Ba-dum. Ba-dum. ]
I want that. I just dunno what I'm doing and don't want you to get ---
[ Frustrated, bored, disappointed, to a point where you want to leave. ]
-- the wrong idea. You know, 'cause of all my experience with the ladies.
[ Nailed it. ]
(frozen) no subject
Date: 2023-06-12 06:45 am (UTC)[His mouth feels dry, all of the sudden. I want that. And I love you - and it's suddenly crystalizing under him. Lodging in his throat. It's hard to get his own words out in reply.]
[Because statements like that deserve more than an "ah".]
I am well-accustomed to your habits... [That ghost, wisp of smile warms. Just a bit.] And they've yet to cause me to do anything rash.
[I'm not going anywhere.]
[Silence.]
Unless, of course, you decide to revert to your previous ashtray preferences, that is.
(frozen) no subject
Date: 2023-06-12 06:59 am (UTC)Gojyo coughs on a surprised laugh, trying to muffle it in his shoulder as he laces their other hand together too. His stomach is churning; somehow he feels bashful and like he's about to throw up at the same time.
It's fucking horrifying that he might fuck this up and ruin the most important thing in his life. Gojyo was a lot of things, but a coward wasn't one of them. If he was gonna try to do this, he was gonna try to do this. Not because Hakkai was looking at him like that, but because of how Gojyo felt when he did. It solidified things for him, made him more sure that his gut was leading him in the right direction.
His smile is a careful thing once the laugh passes.]
You did put up with me when you first moved in. Guess I probably can't scare you off now.
(frozen) no subject
Date: 2023-06-13 02:37 am (UTC)[And then afterward? Well. Gojyo was trainable. He'd say that much. And fondly, at that.]
[It's a very, very good smile. He'd like to keep seeing it, as often as possible. That one, in particular. Frankly, he doesn't think there's anything Gojyo could do to mess up what it is they have - no matter where they take it. They've been through too much.]
You're never being rid of me, at this rate.
[They're still holding onto each others' hands. Is it too much if he... lifts them up? Bows his head over them. Like a kiss, but not. That might be too much.]
(frozen) no subject
Date: 2023-06-13 04:11 am (UTC)You were kinda passed out and bleeding your guts out.
[And then hiding from the law, more or less. Not that Gojyo minded. It'd been awhile since he'd had reliable company besides Banri. And Hakkai could cook. It wasn't long until they'd really started to rely on each other, especially after he became Hakkai.]
We worked out though, yeah?
[Gojyo watches as Hakkai leans forward almost reverantly between their hands. It's surreal to watch for more than one reason. In the first, he still can't really believe this is happening. Did they really just--- are they gonna-- ???
And in the second, it was hard to believe it was happening to a guy like him . Of all people. He wasn't the kind of guy stuff like this happened to. He wasn't the kind of person people learned more about and decided to stick around for, let alone fall in love with.]
Damn. There go all my future plans.
[His tone is flat, his grin is wry. And with Hakkai's head bent down between their hands it's all the easier to lean down and press a kiss to the crown of his head.]
(frozen) no subject
Date: 2023-06-13 04:48 am (UTC)[What a different, welcome feeling, that is.]
Oh, you had plans? My sincerest of apologies.
[Again, there's no hiding the amusement, the relief, in every word. Like his face is going to crack from the very happiness in his features. How many times has something actually worked for them? Besides, well, the two of them in general?]
[His heart stops. He should have known. He should have guessed Gojyo would actually make the first move. And it makes the awkward, uncertain lump in his chest thaw a bit more.]
Ah... I think. You may have missed.
[He looks up. Slowly. It's a bit awkward, trying to angle his head so he doesn't knock into Gojyo's. But eventually, he manages.]
[And he's smiling. Really, sincerely, smiling up at him.]
(frozen) no subject
Date: 2023-06-13 05:42 am (UTC)And maybe that's infectious because Gojyo can feel something warm bubbling in his stomach, rising in his chest.
His eyes crinkle, narrowing as his smile widens.]
Oho, cheeky, huh?
[Going with his gut is also something he's good at. He can overthink things later if he's going to. Right now he's going to lean forward and kiss his best friend.]
(frozen) no subject
Date: 2023-06-13 05:51 am (UTC)[He doesn't hesitate for once. There's no point to it now. Everything is out in the open where it should be. Where he should have had it from the start. His only pause is to murmur a brief - please watch the door - as an aside to his Omen.]
[To make sure there's not a second interruption.]
[That's all, before he leans the rest of the way in. It's been years since he'd done anything like this. It should feel different. It should feel awkward, somehow. He should be making all sorts of comparisons here. That's how his brain has always worked.]
[But kissing his best friend? It's like those thoughts die before they're born. It's like the easiest, best thing in the world. Like they were supposed to do this from the start.]
(frozen) no subject
Date: 2023-06-13 06:57 am (UTC)Gojyo is an excellent kisser. He knows just how to tilt his mouth to deepen the kiss without awkward fumbling. He let's go of one of Hakkai's hands to bring his own up to his cheek, cupping it as he brushes his thumb along Hakkai's jaw. He makes a sound, low and relieved and entirely subconscious when he scoots in closer, eagerly, excitedly.
How is it he had no idea he wanted this so damn bad?]
(frozen) no subject
Date: 2023-06-14 03:36 am (UTC)[It's like walking back into their house again, after years away. Like stepping back into the warmth of a fireplace after too long in the cold.]
[He's almost laughing into the kiss. His own free hand gently tangling in red hair. Trailing through it. Gojyo really wasn't kidding about his talents - a realization that makes him start to laugh again. Not pulling away for a moment.]
(frozen) no subject
Date: 2023-06-14 04:49 am (UTC)What're you laughing at?
[He chases his mouth, pressing closer.]
Gonna hurt a man's ego like that, you know.
(frozen) no subject
Date: 2023-06-14 05:00 am (UTC)But I suppose - I never expected to be able to bear witness to your claimed prowess like this.
[And judging from the fact he's going in for another round, he's as thoroughly impressed as advertised.]
(frozen) no subject
Date: 2023-06-14 05:13 am (UTC)That's right. Front row seats to the Gojyo show for you. Just wait 'til you unwrap the rest of the package.
[For better or worse, Hakkai was pretty well stuck with him now. He leaned in to steal another kiss, sure and confident.]
(frozen) no subject
Date: 2023-06-14 05:31 am (UTC)[Put your eyebrows away sir. They're making him laugh again.]
As tempting as that may be, I have to put a hold on any packages. At least until we can both walk again.
[Kissing though, despite what certain primates have said, is absolutely allowed. As evidenced by returning the kiss eagerly, hand once again finding its way into Gojyo's hair.]
(frozen) no subject
Date: 2023-06-14 06:16 am (UTC)Gives me time to build up that anticipation, huh?
[Minutes pass -- Gojyo has no idea how many. Two, ten, thirty? He'd been a part of plenty of hot make-out sessions but none like this. He'd never lost himself in one before. Gojyo breaks the kiss to take a few deep breaths, closing his eyes and resting their foreheads together.]
This mean I can convince you to actually relax up here with me? [He turns his big red eyes on Hakkai, soft and alluring.]
I bet I'd heal up real good if you did.
(frozen) no subject
Date: 2023-06-14 06:38 am (UTC)[And there goes the time. Frankly, he's forgotten about anything else in the moment. Anything else but Gojyo. But kissing him like he's been drowning, like it's the relief he's been waiting for - for years.]
[Maybe it is. Maybe being left sitting here, leaning against his best friend, flushed from kissing him... is relief. Because there's no mission here, is there? There's no evil wave of crazy energy turning people into monsters - turning decent people like Gojyo into something horrible.]
You're going to be terribly manipulative about this, aren't you? [Quit looking at him with those big ol' eyes.] But, if I must...
[Flop down again, and tug Gojyo with him.]
(frozen) no subject
Date: 2023-06-14 06:49 am (UTC)[He confirms happily, shifting to lay down next to Hakkai. He drapes an arm casually around his waist, trapping him beside him.]
Like you ain't gonna do the same. Soon you'll have me doin' dishes, hangin' up laundry...
[Gojyo leans in and kisses him again, just because he can.]
I ain't building separate bedrooms now though.
(frozen) no subject
Date: 2023-06-14 07:00 am (UTC)[He's laughing again. It feels like he's never laughed this much before. Never smiled this much. If he had... well. Hakkai never had.]
Frankly, if you tried, I would be extremely displeased with you.
[But, thankfully, that won't be an issue. Not with that kiss to look forward to.]
(frozen) no subject
Date: 2023-06-14 07:35 am (UTC)Definitely ghosts. Chore ghosts who like to mop and shit.
[He sighs contentedly.]
Only thing that could make this moment better is a cigarette.
[Hakkai had of course forbidden smoking while he was in bed healing.]
(frozen) no subject
Date: 2023-06-15 04:51 am (UTC)[Once they actually have a house again and all.]
[His fingers trail through Gojyo's hair, absently. Letting the strands fall through his fingers bit by bit. It's true. This moment is deeply comforting. Relaxing, even injured.]
I hope you're not planning on sneaking one yet.
[He'll Know.]
(frozen) no subject
Date: 2023-06-15 06:31 am (UTC)[Nicotine withdrawal aside, he couldn't remember the last time he'd been this relaxed. He presses a kiss to Hakkai's throat before shifting slightly to lay his head against his shoulder.]
Nah, not looking to die anytime soon, thanks.
[Though honestly if there's anything he'd risk Hakkai's wrath for ... he missed smoking so much. So much. ]
(frozen) no subject
Date: 2023-06-15 07:00 am (UTC)[Yeah because spoiling is the only problem with sacrificing Goku to the Mop And Shit Ghosts.]
[Reflexively, he finds himself shivering - not unpleasantly - at the lips against his skin. Settling back in with a quiet sigh.]
[Yes. This should have happened ages ago.]
You'd better not. I won't allow it.
[There's just that brief flash of The Smile before he huffs out a laugh instead.] But the sooner you heal, the sooner you're back to it.
(frozen) no subject
Date: 2023-07-07 03:27 am (UTC)[He closes his eyes. This is pretty relaxing, really. The benefit of being the kind of guy who goes with his gut before his head means he isn't overthinking this. It feels right, and Hakkai seems to agree. Good things happen to them so infrequently that frankly he isn't willing to question this bit of luck.
He grins at Hakkai's proclamation, not surprised at all.]
Yeah? You gonna kick my ass if I do or something?
(frozen) no subject
Date: 2023-07-07 04:31 am (UTC)[Maybe he was an idiot coward for too long. Maybe he should have done this as soon as he saw Gojyo sauntering up to that terrible little camp in the woods. Think of how much time he'd wasted.]
[How much time he could have spent like this, instead.]
That, possibly. Or worse. [Worse could be anything, given Hakkai. Fortunately, he elaborates:] I may be forced to have you inform Goku of our new status.
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