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[kappastrophe]

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(frozen)

[knowsvinewhip]

Keeping you company isn't the same as healing you... which is what I should be doing.

[So why isn't he getting up?]

[Oh, that's right. There's a pulse here. There's life. It's extremely reassuring. That has to be it. Nothing else.]

You really should let me.

(frozen)

[kappastrophe]

[Gojyo makes a non-committal noise.]

Nah. Your turn. You've been up and about since we got hurt. Who's lookin' after you?

'sides, you dunno. All kinds of things heal people.

(frozen)

[knowsvinewhip]

I'm fine...

[He really can't lie to someone like this. To this someone. Goyjo can read him like a book.]

... I couldn't do enough. That night. [I saw you dead - he can't get that image out of his head.]

So please let me do this now.

(frozen)

[kappastrophe]

[Gojyo doesn't need to dignify that first outburst with a response.

The arm around Hakkai is a loosens, but only enough to grab his hand. Like that night.]

Goku lost his shit, and you know I ain't a match for him. Had to keep him from wiping out the town. What else was there to do, man?

[Of course Gojyo isn't thinking of himself here -- why would he? He gets beat to shit all the time and comes out alright. He's probably invincible, he figures.]

(frozen)

[knowsvinewhip]

[He doesn't reply for a while. But he also doesn't pull away, either. He just sort of laces their fingers together instead.]

I did, as well. I lost all sense.

[He barely remembers the fight, especially once Gojyo went off the roof. One moment his friend had been thrown off, the next the Omens had arrived with limiters and salt water to save the day.]

If I'd been more - aware of what was happening... [You did CPR. I died? / I can't lose anyone else] I could have prevented your fall.

[Maybe not. But he's so sure it's his fault, in some capacity. He wasn't enough to stop Goku. He's never been that strong on his own. Why would Trench change anything.]

I should have.

(frozen)

[kappastrophe]

I went off the roof all by my own dumbass self. I knew I was no match for the monkey when he's like that. I went in anyway.

[He had to. The tradeoff was everyone dying, basically. Hakkai dying.]

You were our only shot. I needed you to stop him, had to do what I could even if it cost me.

[A beat. If he wants Hakkai to be honest, he's got to give at least a little of it himself.

Then, more quietly.]

Couldn't just watch him beat the shit outta you, man.

(frozen)

[knowsvinewhip]

And you expect that I'm comfortable doing the same?

[They're not accustomed to seeing each other beat to hell and back. Usually, they're the ones beating things up. With a few singular exceptions, that was. Even the times Goku had lost his mind...]

[... Gojyo had never died. Had never been that bad off without some way of putting him back together. And with all the power he'd been throwing around, he hadn't had enough left.]

Or... maybe this is some sort of karma. For what I did to you back in the street that day.

[Why are you making that face.]

(frozen)

[kappastrophe]

Oi, none of that shit. This ain't because of something you did, or didn't do, or thought, or had a bad dream about.

[He exhales. Damn could he use a cigarette.]

From what I hear this kinda shit just happens around here. People get turned into monsters and beat up people they care about.

[Which was fantastic news. Really great. At least he could take a beating. Was good at it, even.]

Best we can do probably is try to keep that to a minimum. Corruption shit makes it worse, yeah? So...

[He uses his free hand to bop Hakkai lightly on the forehead.]

Gotta keep that guilt to a minimum. Follow all that advice about keeping corruption free, yeah?

(frozen)

[knowsvinewhip]

[He seems to curl a bit more in on himself. Like that's going to help. Like it's going to make this not be as weirdly upsetting as it is this time.]

I know that. [Quietly. Bitterly.] I know it happens. I... I am already a monster. I have been one for years now. Shouldn't I be better equipped to deal with it?

[That's not great logic. It's barely even logic. But it's been circling his brain like water down a drain. Not even the head-bop really does it.]

[Though he does make a quiet, amused little noise.]

I'm sorry. I'm not doing a very good job of that, am I?

(frozen)

[kappastrophe]

[He squeezes his hand without really thinking about it, absently comforting. Reaching out to the person who has easily been the most constant source of comfort in his own life.]

I know you think being youkai means you're the worst ever, but you gotta know not everyone thinks like that. I don't. My brother is how I got through being a kid and he was a monster. Being a monster don't mean shit about who you are as a person.

So no. I don't think you should know how to manage being possessed by a fucked up town and manipulated into hurting your friends. Don't see how anyone could ever be.

[He grunts a little in the affirmative, ruffling his hair now in lieu of hitting it.]

I can smell the wood burning up there as we speak. You always think too much, you know that? Get caught up in that rats nest of yours.

(frozen)

[knowsvinewhip]

[That feeling is mutual. As much as he feels there is no way he deserves the support. The comfort of someone who is so much better of a person than he is. He's selfish enough to take it. Selfish enough to squeeze right back.]

I'm not sure you can compare your brother and myself... our circumstances are different, after all.

[Born versus turned. Mass murderer versus one in defense of a child. There's so much difference. He wouldn't dare compare himself to Gojyo's brother.]

That's probably wh- [Whatever he was going to say gets muffled with an indignant noise.] - Excuse me? [His what now.]

(frozen)

[kappastrophe]

[Gojyo wasn't one to get hung up on details. Sure, what Hakkai did wasn't ... great, and how Gojyo felt about it was complicated. It was also super irrelevant. What was in the past was in the past, and as far as he was convinced there was no real point in dwelling on it. All you could do was look forward.

Of course, he knew from experience that looking back was one of Hakkai's favorite past times.

But he grins when his ribbing hits paydirt.]

You know, your rats nest. Tangled web of thoughts you always drown in up there. Circlin' around, makin' yourself comfy in your own misery.

[He's ruffling your hair again Hakkai, and you're gonna have to take it.]

Someone's gotta drag you outta there once in awhile. Stop overthinking stuff. Listen to your gut. That kinda thing.

(frozen)

[knowsvinewhip]

[It's hard to stay buried in your guilt and shame when someone won't stop messing your hair into your eyes.]

I assumed you were speaking in regards to my hair. Which is fine -

[He huffs that as he rolls over to better lecture his friend. Which was fine, in theory. A perfectly rational theory. Except, then, when he rolls over, he is face to face with red eyes. Red hair.]

[It's incredibly hard to hold onto his train of thought all of the sudden. Realizing abruptly where they are. That he's still holding Gojyo's hand. So incredibly close. He swallows.]

- though maybe... we should trim it.

[You know, I miss my wife - we're not like spouses - ]

(frozen)

[kappastrophe]

[There's a beat where instinct seems to drive Gojyo. His smile freezes on his face, and that something comes back. That tickle at the back of his mind, a swirling in his gut that tells him there's something here that he's not seeing. That gut he was telling Hakkai to listen to.

He's good at reading scenes, at identifying what's happening between two people. Especially when he's one of those two people. It's how he's survived, occasionally kept a roof over his head and kept food in his belly. It's how he got people to like him.

So why couldn't he read this?

His eyes searched his like he was seeing him for the first time.]

Yeah? I could try.

[He smiles slowly even as his eyes soften.]

Last time I cut my own hair you hated it, though.

(frozen)

[knowsvinewhip]

[He'd thought the red was for blood. For some kind of penance. For the longest time... it seemed as good a comparison as any. Until it was more like fire. Like some living thing - some source of life. And it's true, isn't it? If not for this man, if not for his best friend, he wouldn't even be alive.]

[Wouldn't want to be alive.]

[This, right here, as uncertain as this moment suddenly is - is the reason he's still alive.]

I trust you.

[It comes out so much softer than he really meant it to. Layered with so much more than just the surface words. Not just hair he trusts Gojyo with.]

[Blood, fire - they're not the only things associated with red. I trust you... I care for you. I want you to be part of my 'we'.]

(frozen)

[glutton_monkey]

[The door swings open loudly.]

HAKKAAAIII! I finished deliv--

[And then Goku freezes in the doorway, eyes wide as he stares at the scene in front of him. Gojyo and Hakkai cuddled up on the bed, facing each other from inches apart, hands locked and fingers twined. It's not hard to figure out what's going on here, not even for Goku. He's weirdly perceptive like that sometimes. He can tell he's walked in on something private. Intimate.

But also--]

Oi oi!! No pervy stuff 'til you're both fully healed!! Not even kissin'!!

[There's not enough blood there to be "CPR", so he won't be fooled by that excuse!!]

(frozen)

[kappastrophe]

[It's magnetic, isn't it? Whatever this thing is, this thing he can't name. Intoxicating. It's like there's a string in his chest and Hakkai keeps tugging it, willing him forward. Closer. Closer. He needed to be closer.

Unbidden, his body follows the command. His tongue darts out to dampen his lower lip. He---

A moron bursts through the door.

Gojyo's heart leaps ten feet in the air and the rest of him does its best to follow. He's still holding Hakkai's hand, but the other is now pressed against his chest.

His cheeks are uncharacteristically pink.]

W-what the fuck are you talking about, you dumbass shitmonkey!?

[There. That was smooth.]

(frozen)

[knowsvinewhip]

[He hasn't realized he's moved. He's inched forward as well. Tilted his head ever so slightly. It's hard not to, seeing what Gojyo does. That he hasn't pulled back, either. That he's still there. Maybe being a coward as he has been... maybe that isn't necessary.]

[Maybe - ]

[Maybe Goku is going to bust in. And Hakkai is going to practically yeet himself onto the floor, even if he lands on his ankle funny. Which he does. Which is absolutely why he stifles a noise in his throat. Only then does he end up letting go of Gojyo's hand entirely - to clamp his hands down on it.]

I don't know - what you're talking about!

[That came out a little too loud.]

(frozen)

[glutton_monkey]

AAAAAHHHH!!! [He points to where Hakkai has landed on the floor, then back at Gojyo, then back at Hakkai.] See what you did?!

[Goku closes the door behind him with a little huff. He should probably also be embarrassed for interrupting them, but somehow his concern for their injuries has won out.]

You guys're too hurt to do that stuff. You gotta get better first! An' don't call me a shitmonkey!

(frozen)

[kappastrophe]

[Gojyo jerks forward to check on Hakkai, though being bedridden himself there's not much he can do about it besides reach.]

Oi! Man, your ankle's already fucked up as it is!

[And then, of course, there's Goku. Spluttering just--- nonsense, super obvious nonsense.]

Look what you made him do, dumbass!

[He reaches for a wooden plate by his bed, previously home to some bread Hakkai'd made, and flung it at him.]

And stop sayin' bullshit, we ain't doin' shit!!

(frozen)

[knowsvinewhip]

Ah, don't worry - it just stings.

[No it doesn't, it hurts. But like hell is he going to let that on. Ever. Because that's clearly the most important thing here. Not what Goku walked in on. Which was nothing. Goku walked in on nothing.]

We were talking. [That's. Not actually a lie. For once.] We were discussing haircuts.

[And staring deeply into each others' eyes. And having some realizations he doesn't want to discuss with anyone who has a pulse. It's fine. This is fine. Nothing happened.]

You finished quickly, didn't you? [Also not even going to acknowledge the plate throwing. It's wooden, thankfully, so Baba Yaga won't ask for Gojyo's scalp.]

(frozen)

[glutton_monkey]

[Goku just blocks that incoming plate like it's nothing, barely even acknowledging it with a little "ow". He's too busy making a face at the way his friends are freaking out over what, to him, seems like nothing. Because that's not the part he's upset about.]

I'm not sayin' bullshit, you are! Stupid pervy kappa!!

[He does at least go over to help Hakkai get back up, even guide him to sit on the bed with Gojyo again if he'll let him.]

You're both s'pos'd to be restin'... I even grabbed food on my way back here, y'know!

(frozen)

[kappastrophe]

[He slides Hakkai an 'Oh, please,' glance. He knows by the tone there that he's in a pretty huge amount of pain.]

We were restin'! Your brains rotting outta your head or something? Layin' out in bed, talkin' about--

[Is his voice hitching? Is it getting warmer in here? Are his cheeks pink? Of course not, don't be stupid. Because you're the one who's stupid here, definitely not him.]

--haircuts!!

[He swallows]

At least help Hakkai up, you got his ankle all fucked up again!

(frozen)

[knowsvinewhip]

It's the truth. That's all we were doing...

[And suddenly, it's like he can't look Goku in the eye. Or Gojyo. Or anything. Except the accusatory plate on the floor. What a fascinating plate that is.]

[He's reaching back for the edge of the bed, to pull himself back up there to sit. Like absolutely nothing is weird here. Like there's nothing at all going on.]

No, I don't think it's fractured. I just landed wrong... [No, it's okay, he's got this. He's not thinking about Gojyo's voice doing that or the memory of the look on his face or - ] That's all.

(frozen)

[glutton_monkey]

[Goku eyes them both critically as he helps pull Hakkai up off the floor. He's happy to act as support for him too, if he wants it. After all, he really has to keep his weight off of that ankle while he eases back onto the bed.

That's when he remembers Hakkai's weird reaction to when he asked if he and Gojyo would be sharing a room. The one that implied to Goku that they were keeping a secret together. He still doesn't get why that would be the case. What was the big deal?

He huffs again after a second, putting his fists on his hips.] You guys're so weird, with all your secrets or whatever. I don't have any secrets, s'not fair that you guys do.